Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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