I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
