At least make sure they are 18
Why
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
