dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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