I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found the puke drawer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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