I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize