She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
