Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize