I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
