I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the condom got lost in my hair
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Congratulations! We have a period
Never joke about your clitoris.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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