If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I faked an abortion last night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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