i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
