1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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