you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
