just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
