okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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