But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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