I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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