Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
