Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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