Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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