Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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