I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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