don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
