Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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