My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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