Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
