i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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