I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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