the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
