I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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