Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
