I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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