Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
