I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
