Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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