i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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