Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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