I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
