he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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