Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
