I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
