Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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