I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just forgot I was standing up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
