I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
