Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
