Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
