I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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