I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
