You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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