I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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