Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
