so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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