Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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