He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
