Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
