I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
