Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
