Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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