I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
