eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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