You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
