Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
