I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
